Long Narrative.. A. K. A. The Novel

pulling-hair-out

Right, here I go again. I have a new PC and I ask for some patience whilst I get used to the keys. I’m suspicious my new purchase is letting me down as the ‘y’ key seems a bit temperamental.  Anyway, Oh, it happened there, see the ‘y’ wasn’t in ‘anyway’ on my first attempt. Ah, this is shaping up to be a rather useless new laptop.

So, this semester I am facing the biggest challenge of my life so far. lol. Writing a novel. lol. Stupid thing for a writer to say, but, it’s true and it’s my biggest confession: I cannot write novels. I have a mind blank when it comes to it and I don’t really know why. I can write short stories, poetry, blog entries *hey hey, you know, you know* but I simply cannot do novels.

I’m dreading it, I have to workshop it and everything, in front of people. Human people. Who are all older than me and probably aren’t working a million hours a week just to pay for their education. But there’s a reason I’m doing this to myself. The thing you may not know is I’m studying an MA in Creative Writing, ’cause I gotz to learn to write better, so they says. The options for this semester were not the most varied and fruitful. I had two choices, The Novel or Screenwriting. That’s it. You can imagine my face, staring blankly at the module choice form. The world knows I’m not a novelist but then…screenwriting. I have flashbacks to my BA days, my weakness was the screenplay. Time and time again I put hours into my screenplays, only for them to scrape at 2:1. A very low 2:1. Possibly just a 2:2 actually. Anyway, I can’t risk that again, not when I’m trying to Master Creative Writing. I can’t.

Also, I hate the concept of being a screen writer. I hate the fact you have to always write in the same tense, that no-one’s ever going to really read all your work, that other people, most likely strangers, will “interpret it” and then completely change it before it even gets to your viewers. Nope, nah, no way, not for me, thank you, goodbye now. I am a wholly selfish artist. My work is mine and I will always want control over it, I’m not kidding myself that my work’s perfect. I know if, finger’s crossed, I were to ever be published again, my editors would change A LOT. But they’d never take my idea from me and “make it their own” – which push come to shove, is all that film makers do. The only way you’d catch me writing a screenplay is if I were the film maker doing it and if I had a crew made up of 100 miniature Megans, all with the same idea.

Now, now, enough of the screenplay hate. They’re not for me and I’ve established that. So, I had no choice. The Novel was staring me in the face, laughing maniacally.

AND SO, on the 2nd of Feb, it begins. My first few tasks are being assigned to me, already. I will update you in due course. For now, I just need to get to PC  World, this post took over double my usual time to write. Apologies for any typos, I blame HP.

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