Updates for Your Purchase from M4Magpie

I heard the email come in,
a little chime that gave me
that sinkin’ feelin.’ I looked
at the screen. It looked at me.
And the email sat in bold.

Unread. Received 1 minute ago.
The subject read ‘Updates,
for your purchase from M4Magpie.’


My eyes skimmed down, searching
for good news. But my gut
was telling me, I was gonna lose.

The words ‘Out of Stock’ stung
my heart like a wasp. My money
would be returned to me,
to make up for my loss.

I looked away and it went off again.
Cheeping like a chick: “don’t turn away,
look at me! Feed me! Feed me! Feed me!”

Samantha J. Kennedy at gmail dot com
was sitting there.
I couldn’t bring myself to open it,
I didn’t dare.
The noise , oh the emails! All
flooding in.

Her gift wasn’t sorted and her evil
woman senses knew.
So she dropped emails
like missiles.
Every 20 seconds.

Tomorrow I would see her,
Not even roses as a gift.

“But it’s Valentine’s, you stupid prick”
I could almost hear it now.

Maybe I could say to her, “You snotty,
ungrateful, bitch.” I could walk out right there
and then
“Oh! Look who’s sorry now!”

She would weep into my arms and bring
me kisses and home-cooked food.

But the thing is, I know, she wouldn’t care
or cry. In fact, she’d find another guy.
Be married by July!

That’s when I heard another noise. A distant little ping.
It was an e-mail from her saying
“Jude, it’s over, forget it.”

I didn’t need to open the other 54.
I knew exactly what had happened and
my heart sank to my feet.

But then just as I was about
to throw myself out the 6th floor
I stopped and I smiled.

Samantha J. Kennedy is no more.

She’s not my problematic girl
who needs me everyday.
I don’t need to explain myself
when I detour on my way
home. It was like a weights been lifted.
Like God was on my side.

“Oh and on the day before Valetine’s”
my mother tried to sympathize.
All I could think was how it saved
me fifty dollars on M4Magpie.


The title for this poem was given to me in an exercise in class – I know the poem is sketchy but it’s nice to just write sometimes. So I thought I’d share a few of the exercises with you and you could do them if you fancied it.

1. The title is ‘Updates for Your Purchase from M4Magpie’ – what is the poem

2. Your horoscope is: ‘Company from Out of Town could spell trouble’ – write about it

3. Write about a noise that just won’t stop!!!!







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